


But I don't want the lights to find me when I'm dark and lost

by hope_is_a_dangerous_thing



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, IM REALLY SORRY FOR THIS, Internalized Homophobia, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Keith (Voltron) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Keith (Voltron) has schizophrenia, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance is a good boyfriend, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Not a lot tho, Oneshot, Triggers, im just projecting, im sorry, its kinda fluffy at the end, its really sad torwards the beginning, most of it is just me torturing my boy keith, the ending gets better, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 11:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20096359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hope_is_a_dangerous_thing/pseuds/hope_is_a_dangerous_thing
Summary: Keith forgets to take his anxiety and schizophrenia meds. Lots of angst ensues.Im sorry in advance. I'm really not good at summaries but be careful and read the tags. I don't want to trigger anyone and this is fairly dark.





	But I don't want the lights to find me when I'm dark and lost

“No no no” he muttered as his back hit the wall, eyes wide and frightened and hands instinctively covering his ears. “Please no please no no” strings of incoherent sentences falling from his lips.  
“Remember when you were just a little kid?”  
The voice seemed to be everywhere and no matter how hard he pressed on his ears he couldn’t shut it out.  
“I came to you, knocked on your door and you let, me, in”  
The voice was sharp and menacing.  
“Stop please stop”  
his pleas were rushed and mumbled like he was trying to convince himself. Maybe he was.  
“Ever since that day it's been me and you” the words emphasized with a sinister tone.  
“Its just us and you know that”  
His legs stopped working, failed as his back slid down the wall. Instinctively he pulled his legs to his chest trying to make himself as small as possible.  
“You’re not real, you’re not real” the words seemed to be a mantra at this point, falling from his lips over and over again.  
“You spend too much time talking about real, real this and real that, but have you ever considered you’re not real?”  
He whimpered at this, the mantra stopping abruptly  
“You don’t even LIKE yourself” a tone of condescension creeping in like a vine slowly wrapping his sanity.  
They weren’t wrong he didn’t. He didn’t have a counter attack for that. No no no don’t think like that, he can’t let them get to him.  
“Why are you referring to me like that, I AM you. You idiot”  
He didn’t even register the tears streaming down his face, hot and salty as he shut his eyes forcefully as if that would make it go away.  
“You are nothing, don’t you understand that? Nothing.”  
He was wasn’t he, what else was he besides unloveable? He couldn’t even love right. He had to be abnormal in every way. Stupid, idiot, monster. The words set on loop inside his head.  
“Coward, look at you coward. You’ve lived this long because you’re too much of a coward to stop it.” He couldn’t discern the thought process’ anymore. Which one was his?  
“We are one” a voice hissed.  
“No!” He began screaming as frustration, sadness, anger, desperation welled up inside him.  
He was curled in a fetal position at this point on the ground. 

Distantly he heard a sharp knock on the bathroom door. A voice different from the others, more familiar “hey, hey buddy you okay in there”  
The knob jostled but it was clearly locked. Panic instantly settled and he screamed louder, sobs wracking his body. He couldn’t let them see him like this no he wouldn’t.  
“Just end it, its not like they want to see you at all”  
“Keith, please open the door!” someone shouted, why couldn’t he place that voice?  
“Keith, mi amor, just let me know you’re okay?” `  
He whimpered and removed his hands from his ears moving them to grip his hair tightly. It was Lance, his lance.  
“Our lance” the voice hissed.  
“No no no you’re nOt me” his voice broke as more tears streamed down his face. He felt overwhelmed, nothing made sense anymore. He sobbed louder.  
“Im opening the door Keith, I know its locked but you’re really freaking me out, baby.”  
“You can’t trust him” the voiced hissed. Keith wanted to deny it but he didn’t know. Who was he again? What did he want? Images flashed in his mind of lance above him with a knife, many images at once crowded his mind. A cruel smile and a raised hand. Too many different scenarios. He distantly heard screaming, was that him?  
Suddenly light flooded the room and he recoiled. It was too much, what was happening?  
“Keith Keith baby look at me please”  
He felt hands on him and he screamed. They were grabbing his face. An image popped into his head. A raised hand, yelling. He flinched. Scrambling back he pulled himself into a ball and regarded the figure in front of him.  
Distantly he recognized the figure to be lance, his boyfriend. But a more prominent voice was screaming at him.  
He’s gonna hurt you  
he will hurt you  
He’s no different than the others  
More images popped up in his head  
Foster parents beating him  
Foster parents starving him  
Yelling  
Degrading  
He kept screaming 

“Keith, hey I don’t know why you think I’m gonna hurt you, I won’t hurt you I promise. Can I touch you baby? Is that okay?”  
Keith whimpered as he slowly nodded his head, the pure sincerity in Lance’s voice calming him and placating the voice in his head, for now. Lance slowly walked over to Keith making sure to keep his movements slow and his face calm. He sat down a few inches from where Keith was and slowly reached his arms so he was holding Keiths hand. Rubbing his thumb over his knuckles he started talking.  
“Baby I’m here okay, it's me, lance. Your boyfriend, I love you baby I do. I love you Keith, you’re safe and you’re fine, no one’s going to hurt you anymore, I promise. I’ll protect you.” He kept whispering till his tears stopped coming and dried up. He kept whispering encouragements, words of praise and love till the dark haired boy, now cuddled in his arms, had fallen asleep, and only then did he stop talking. As he picked his boyfriend up and carried him bridal style into his room did he then notice that his medication for that day hadn’t been taken. his anxiety and schizophrenia meds hadn’t been taken which made a lot more sense.  
Lance sighed as he crawled into bed with his boyfriend and carded his hands through his hair as he waited for sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, this is really one of my first fics ( i have another if yall wanna check it out, its a lot more fluffier) but lemme know if i need to fix some things im always open to critizism. 
> 
> thanks for reading 
> 
> -kai :)


End file.
